Monday, August 31, 2015

Spotta Tea

My childhood friend, a Sasquatch, a.k.a., The Fouke Monster, now operates a car wash in Texarkana. I went to take her a little gift and visit her at quitting time on her birthday last week. She insisted that I come to her place for tea. She had personally imported some English green tea called “Spotta,” as in “spot of tea,” that she wanted me to try. As the water was heating, I handed her the gift I had brought, an autographed copy of Robert Lanza’s book “Biocentrism.”
“Thanks, Danny. I have been reading about Lanza’s theory of everything and have wanted to get the book. How did you get an autographed copy?”
“I was at a conference in Boston where he spoke recently and he was very gracious to sign a couple of copies for me. I knew you would like it because I know you like Hawking and all.”
“Well, Hawking’s theory of everything is over, man. Physics can’t bring fruition to the quest but continues to overcomplicate it. But maybe biology can if it explains consciousness. Biology does not worry about planned versus random, unlike Forrest Gump. My meditations in nature have shown me that Wordsworth was right. We half create what we see. Poets are always ahead of scientists. You know, nature has always been my home. Remember when you were a kid and you used to come visit me on Boggy Creek? I had that cool tree house back then and a cave way down on the river. This little place here on Arkansas Boulevard is just temporary. I have found an apartment at the movie.”
“You mean the movie has apartments?”
“For the price of a ticket.”
 “This tea is very tasty. It has a kind of Earl Grey ambience to it, no?
“You certainly have acute taste. Yes, I add a little of the same kind of oil they use in Earl Grey. The Queen Mother taught me that trick. She is the most elegant person I ever met.”
“How did you meet the Queen Mother?”
“Quite by chance. We were dining at the same fish and chips place, a quaint inn called “Swan to Goodness” in the Warwickshire countryside.”
“How did you get way over there?”
“Danny, surely you know that the big foot myth spans every continent. Why do you think that is? It is because as a mythic creature I have the gift of transportation.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that the theory of everything is, at least mythologically, biological. Physicists reach a dead end, but Lanza the Great has shown that we may mentally spawn reality, and I choose to create it in multiple locales. I can’t wait to read this book. Thank you for remembering my birthday.”
“You are most welcome. Multiple locales simultaneously? That’s too heavy for me, dear friend.”
“You create multiple worlds in your dreams all the time. Stop doubting your creative ability.”
“I did not know I was doing that.”

“Just remember how the book of John opens. Without the Word, we could create nothing. We would have no consciousness. Or as the divine Emily puts it, we could not see to see.”

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